i really do not understand

i don't understand why you have to be that selfish. i really don't.
why is it that it is so hard for you to stay loyal?
why do you have to act everything on impulse?
do not tell me it is not your fault. please don't.
if you do not reciprocate the feelings, this will not fucking happen. no fucking way it will.
if you just work a little harder on what you have, will it be beneficial for everybody?

tell me. tell me where should i put my face? because i know you dont have one.
tell me. tell where should i put my anger? my sadness? my disappointment?
my heart ?

is broken.

he have done nothing. nothing at all. you could just put a little effort, this will not fucking happen.

i feel like dying.

Excuses.

I will be braver than you.

I remembered what you said. It's all excuses.
It makes me wonder that you think if what we have now will last.

It's all excuses .

I love you.

Everybody have their struggles.
Everybody had their struggles.
In life.

What you see now, it's a product from that struggle.
You have no idea, how hard it is to put aside somebody else flaws and move on.

I kept everyone together even if it hurts me like a thousand knifes plunge onto my back.  I put aside my ego and move.

Thousand times, i felt like ending my life. The sorrow i cannot compare what i feel now when i am sad.

I have my piece of struggles and if god wants me to go through it again, i will embrace it with strength.


So noooo, don't compare my struggle with others.
You have no idea what we've been through.

I hate it when/what you say that starts with a but. No. Don't.
I didn't ask for your opinion, i asked for a listening ears.

If you haven't been through my misery and sadness, you didn't share all that in the past, you have no right to judge me.

Apologies if your thoughts and opinion differs with my thoughts and opinion.

Everyone have their different share of struggles. Its a matter they work it out or not. Period. ✌🏼

I am a petty person.
If you didn't tell me the small little things, i will get upset.

You can sulk, bro. Sulk. I dont fucking care.

Lirik Hanya Milikmu - Anuar Zain

Lirik Hanya Milikmu - Anuar Zain

Aku tak salahkan hatimu,
Bila harap itu tak ada,
Tak relakan bila terjadi,
hanya waktu yang tentukan.

ku ingin kuatkan hatimu (setiamu),
Yakin ku hanyalah milikmu,
Besar cintaku tak berubah,
Walau kini rasa itu luluhkan hatimu.

c/o
Ku hanya milik mu,
Coba kau rasa yakinnya hatiku,
Meski kau tinggalkan,
Masih ku milikmu,
Mengertikah bila cinta ini,
Tak akan pernah sedikit pun pudar,
Selain untuk mu (untuk mu).

Ku harapkan hanya padamu,
Ketulusan ini nanti kan ku jalani,
Tetap ku milikmu,
Mengertikah bila cinta ini,
Memang tak pernah sedikit pun pudar,
Selain untuk mu.

Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again. Maybe someday you'll have woke up, And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one: "Isn't something missing?" You won't cry for my absence, I know You forgot me long ago. Am I that unimportant? Am I so insignificant? Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me? Even though I'm the sacrifice, You won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone. Isn't someone missing me? Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again. I know what you do to yourself, I breathe deep and cry out: "Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me?" Even though I'm the sacrifice, You won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone. Isn't someone missing me? And if I bleed, I'll bleed, Knowing you don't care. And if I sleep just to dream of you And wake without you there, Isn't something missing? Isn't something Even though I'm the sacrifice, You won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone. Isn't someone missing me? Read more: Evanescence - Missing Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

List

My List:
1. Loves your good qualities, accepts and embraces the bad without making you feel guilty for having flaws
2. Is there for you when you need him, even if it's inconvenient for him
3. Considers you when making decisions, both big and small
4. Listens to what you say and hears the things you don't say
5. Growth-oriented, always trying to work on himself and be better
6. Common beliefs/values
7. Brings out the best in you- Sees your strengths and helps nurture those qualities
8. Respects you, everything about you- your thoughts, ambitions, opinions, things you say, company you keep
9. Sees you as an equal, doesn't condescend and look down on you and doesn't rely on you for validation or to be an emotional crutch
10. Trustworthy- you feel safe being open and honest with him, not afraid of him violating that trust or using anything against you and don't feel afraid he'll leave you unexpectedly and seemingly out of the blue (sadly, this is a major fear underlying many relationships)

Eric's list: 1) He views you as his partner - the relationship is something more than just you and him... together, you and him are a team. And as that team, you are both individually stronger than you could be on your own.
2) You respect him, his values and how he lives his life. 3) You're not hoping for some change after marriage... you fully accept him now. - Yes, when you marry the man who plays video games for 8 hours a day on weekends, he will still be that guy after marriage... if you can't fully accept him now, don't go further...
4) He respects you, your values and how you live your life.
5) You're able to communicate with each other, even about tough issues and even if one person is upset with the other.
6) He's willing to put effort into the relationship - Very important to understand what he considers putting effort into a relationship is... he might play video games all day when he's home, but believes he puts tons of effort into the relationship since he works hard at his job to earn money, buys gifts for his girl, remembers anniversaries and special occasions and praises & encourages his girl.
7) Wants marriage with you... - This is kind of a "duh" thing, but trying to marry a guy that doesn't feel like he's "seen it all, done it all" is a bad idea. Granted, he didn't need to live a James Bond life of non-stop flings - the important thing is that he feels he no longer desires to live that lifestyle.

I remember that we are holding hands and running under the rain laughing, looking for a shelter. I hate remembering this.

Just something.

"All I Have"

Love is life and life is livin'
It's very special
All my love...

Oh...oh...oh...oh...oh...
(Baby, don't go)
(Baby, don't go) Yeah
(Baby, don't go, uh)
(Baby, don't go) Yeah
(Baby, don't go)
(Baby, don't go) Yeah, yeah
(Why you act like that)

It's such a shame, but I'm leavin'
Can't take the way you mistreated me
And it's crazy, but oh, baby
It don't matter, whatever, don't phase me

Uh, uh, uh
I don't believe you wanna leave like this
I don't believe I just had my last real kiss
I do believe we'll laugh and reminisce
Wait a minute, don't bounce, baby, let's talk about this, man

Well, I'm bouncin' and I'm out, son
I gotta leave you alone

'Cause I'm good holdin' down my spot
And I'm good reppin' the girls on the block
And I'm good, I got this thing on lock
So without me you'll be fine, right

All my pride is all I have
(Pride is what you had, baby girl, I'm what you have)
You'll be needin' me, but too bad
(Be easy, don't make decisions when you mad)
The path you chose to run alone
(I know you're independent, you can make it on your own)
Here with me you had a home, oh, yeah
(But time is of the essence, why spend it alone, huh)

The nights I waited up for you (Oh, boy)
Promises you made about comin' through
So much time you wasted
That's why I had to replace you

Uh, uh, uh
It makes a cat nervous, the thought of settlin' down
Especially me, I was creepin' all over town
I thought my tender touch could lock you down
I knew I had you, as cocky as it sounds
The way you used to giggle before i put it down
It's better when you angry, come here, I'll prove it now, come here

Stop playin, you gamin'
I gotta leave you alone

'Cause I'm good holdin' down my spot (Stop actin' like that)
And I'm good reppin' the girls on the block (Now you
know you need to stop)
And I'm good, I got this thing on lock
So without me you'll be fine, right (Here we go)

All my pride is all I have
(Pride is what you had, baby girl, I'm what you have)
You'll be needin' me, but too bad
(Be easy, don't make decisions when you mad)
The path you chose to run alone
(I know you're independent, you can make it on your own)
Here with me you had a home, oh, yeah
(But time is of the essence, why spend it alone, huh)

People make mistakes to make up, to break
To wake up cold and lonely, chill, baby, you know me
You love me, I'm like your homey
Instead of beef you come hold me
I promise I'm not a phony
Don't bounce, baby, console me, come here

Ain't nothin' you can say to me that can change my mind
I gotta let you go now
And nothin' will ever be the same, so just be on your way
Go 'head and do your thing now
And there's no more to explain to me, you no
I know your game and I'm feelin' what you do

So I'm bouncin' and I'm out, son
I gotta leave you alone, yeah, yeah

All my pride is all I have
(Pride is what you had, baby girl, I'm what you have)
You'll be needin' me, but too bad
(Be easy, don't make decisions when you mad)
The path you chose to run alone
(I know you're independent, you can make it on your own)
Here with me you had a home, oh, yeah
(But time is of the essence, why spend it alone, huh)

All my pride is all I have
(Pride is what you had, baby girl, I'm what you have)
You'll be needin' me, but too bad
(Be easy, don't make decisions when you mad)
The path you chose to run alone
(I know you're independent, you can make it on your
own)
Here with me you had a home, oh, yeah
(But time is of the essence, why spend it alone, huh)

I promise you

 Sonata Rindu - Hazami

Setulusnya cintaku padamu
Telah lama pasrah ku menanti
Ku berikan segala-gala untukmu
Kerana hatiku ini milikmu

Dikau hiaskan rindu ini
Dengan senyuman dan tawamu
Tak pernah ku lelah mencintaimu

Bersama ku mohon akhirnya
Ku mahu kau sentiasa di sisiku
Sesaat tanpamu sepi hidupku

Ku sebutkan namamu sayang
Agar kau tahu
Yang selalu merindukan cintamu
Akulah kekasihmu
Ku ingin bersamamu

(╥_╥)

Ive hurt you so many times.
Ive hurt myself so many times.

We hurt each other.

This kind of messages made me smile a lot. Reading our old conversation.

I love you.

You are using me? Are you?
Why i got the feeling that you keep a lot from me?
Do you love me?

Q: When is the best time to do istighfar?
Ans: In the early morning hours (sahur).

Give yourself permission to be the brand new you by doing istighfar in the early morning!


Allah says in Surah Ali-Imran verse 3:17:
الصَّابِرِينَ وَالصَّادِقِينَ وَالْقَانِتِينَ وَالْمُنفِقِينَ وَالْمُسْتَغْفِرِينَ بِالْأَسْحَارِ ﴿١٧﴾

Which means:
"The patient, the true, the obedient, those who spend [in the way of Allah], and those who seek forgiveness before dawn. (17)"


And again in Surah Az-Zariyat verse 51:18:
وَبِالْأَسْحَارِ هُمْ يَسْتَغْفِرُونَ ﴿١٨﴾

Which means:
"And in the hours before dawn they would ask forgiveness, (18)"

We all love Allah s.w.t., but our love for Him will not overcome His grand love for us. Seek forgiveness from Allah s.w.t. in istighfar insyaAllah Allah s.w.t. will forgive us and change our life for the better!
Allah says in Surah Nuh:
فَقُلْتُ اسْتَغْفِرُوا رَبَّكُمْ إِنَّهُ كَانَ غَفَّارًا ﴿١٠﴾
يُرْسِلِ السَّمَاءَ عَلَيْكُم مِّدْرَارًا ﴿١١﴾
 وَيُمْدِدْكُم بِأَمْوَالٍ وَبَنِينَ وَيَجْعَل لَّكُمْ جَنَّاتٍ وَيَجْعَل لَّكُمْ أَنْهَارًا ﴿١٢﴾
 مَّا لَكُمْ لَا تَرْجُونَ لِلَّـهِ وَقَارًا ﴿١٣﴾

ENGLISH TRANSLATION:
And said, 'Ask forgiveness of your Lord. Indeed, He is ever a Perpetual Forgiver. (10) He will send [rain from] the sky upon you in [continuing] showers (11) And give you increase in wealth and children and provide for you gardens and provide for you rivers. (12) What is [the matter] with you that you do not attribute to Allah [due] grandeur (13)

No. I tried to wait to let this matter rest but today it still bother me that much.
You did not tell me. "Cuci mata"

Am i not pretty enough?
Am i not good enough for You to see?

I know where i stand.

I never look at other guys and say cuci mata.
The only time i look is the guys from television. Not realistic.
Unlike you.

And if you think im not important to you.
Tell me love.
I will back out.