I feel like giving up.

Mark my words.
I don't care if you don't care.
I feel there's no respect between me and you.
I feel that you don't value me at all.

"Flaws and all" -Beyonce

I'm a train wreck in the morning
I'm a bitch in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards you
I'm a puzzle yes in deed
Ever complex in every way
And all the pieces aren't even in the box
And yet, you see the picture clear as day.

[Chorus]
I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
And that's why I love you [3x]

I neglect you when I'm working
When I need attention I tend to nag
I'm a host of imperfection
And you see past all that
I'm a peasant by some standards
But in your eyes I'm a queen
You see potential in all my flaws
and that's exactly what I mean.

[Chorus]
I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
and that's why I love you [3x]

[Repeat Chorus]

if there's a contest title sleeping queen.
i can be the queen.

i swear if i have the power to kill.
i will kill!! i will kill all of you!!
two faces bitch!!

Don't tell me you guys don't kiss.
I'm freaking bored and at the same time feeling relax.
I'm off now. Finding food.

How to kiss with passion.

I stayed home today.
I slept the whole day.
I like it.

LOVE OF MY LIFE.

First of all, SOUR SWEETS ROCKS!! YOU ROCK MY WORLD!!

It is my company when i'm sleepy. Even it doesn't make any different.

I know it make alot of effort in waking me up.

Secondly, COFFEE!!! YOU ARE MY LOVER. ALWAYS MINE.

Yeahh, this lover of mine always get a kiss from me for almost every morning.

I feel lost and empty when i don't have you in my starting day.

I keep on losing into my wonderland and i need a hard nudge from a friend to stay alive.

You make a different in my life.

Thirdly, MY SOFT SPONGECAKE BED. YOU ARE SIGNIFICANT IN MY LIFE.

Yes you darling have been there for me every single day. Yes you, i love you baby.

You have been there for me in sadness, madness, craziness, hotness, coldness and alot more i can do with you. I want to thank you for loving me and accepting me for the way i am.

I want to be with you every single day. Every morning, when i part from you, i feel lost.

I miss you till i sleep practically everywhere. Outside MLT, train, bus and while standing up.

I miss you that much. You are the love of my life.

If you don't care. i don't care too.

I Miss You.

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.

I Miss You : Incubus.

I'm addicted to facebook. laugh out loud.
Who doesn't?

harmony? your bloody head!

I'm bored lazy. All that related to sloth.
I'm feeling that.

I just don't know how to react on certain things.
I just don't know what to say anymore.
I just don't know how to feel.

I'm cruel at times, evil too. Spare me, that's the way i am.

I think THIS is unfair.
Look around you, what you see the most?
Look around you, what you hear the most?
Look around you, how you feel about THIS?
People says life is unfair.
I know it's unfair.
THIS is too obvious.
It's just not fair anymore.

I'm furious but what can i do?

NOTHING.
Nothing can change THIS.

Just wait and see.
I'll die because of exhaustion.
yes, i will.

There's too much insecurities.
I just don't know how to face them when the time come.

Firstly, happy birthday to dear Yong-Yong. :)

I've fallen deeper and i like it. :)

I just have no mood in almost everything i do.
A lot of assignment. I wish i can just kill myself without feeling the pain.
I just lost interest to almost everything.

I just don't get it. Why the hell it happened to me?
What did i do? I can't picture myself with someone ignoring me.
It'll be emotional for me.
I should have just shut my pie hole and pretend nothing happen.
God, help me.

I sleep almost every time in train. To and fro.
I sleep like a pig. With all the sudden jerk. Mouth open. Almost miss my station.
Yes, that bad til other passenger actually can laugh.
Yeah right, I'm a clown to you guys.

SOMETIMES

I FEEL THAT YOU DON'T BOTHER ABOUT ME AT ALL.

current addiction.

clumsy

I know, i know. People say i'm clumsy.
Clumsy is my name. What to do.

Serious, i've fallen hard.
Fallen hard.
I think i'm in love.
No no, i am in love.
In love with him. I think so.

I don't know. I just blush whenever i'm with him.
I just love when he kisses me on the forehead.
I feel blessed. Blessed whenever i'm with him.

Is that?? What you call love??

I'm stress.

"Hush Hush"

I never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs
I never needed pain, I never needed strain
My love for you was strong enough, you should have known

I never needed you for judgements
I never needed you to question what I spent
I never asked for help, I take care of myself
I don't know why you think you gotta hold on me

And it's a little late for conversations
There isn't anything for you to say
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver,
So look at me and listen to me
Because

I don't want to stay another minute
I don't want you to say a single word
Hush hush, hush hush
There is no other way, I get the final say because
I don't want to do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush hush, hush hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush hush

I never needed your corrections
On everything from how I act to what I say
I never needed words, I never needed hurt
I never needed you to be there every day

I'm sorry for the way I let go
On everything I wanted when you came along
But I ain't never beatin', broken not defeated
I know next to you is not where I belong

insecure.

I feel insecure.
I don't know why.
Even how much you said that.
I still feel insecure.

smokes smokes smokes smokes smokes.

woo~~

I've watched phobia 2
and and and i hugged him. :p

woo~~

I've watched phobia 2

and and and i hugged him. :p

knowing

Realise something.
Jealousy was never in my dictionary.
Jealousy has become a part of me after one incident.
It follow me all the way til now.

That incident has shown me that i don't wish to lose him.
Jealousy made me angry.
Flaming in fire. Furious.
I push him away. Shut him out.

In the end i lost him. Forever.

JPAs

Celebrated Hari Raya with the JPAs. It was awesome. Tiring too. From west to East.

moving on

I will move on.
I have to move on.

I have move on.

i won't

I won't look back in anger.

SINCE

Since you said you tired of holding on.
Since you doubt my feelings.
Since you said you feel that i did not clap hands with you.
Since every fight you said "leave me".

You threatened me with those actions and talks.
How do i feel? Maybe for you i feel nothing.

Just nothing.

However i do have feelings, do you ever thought of that?

You did saw me.
You ignore me.

I have grown thinner.
I have grown eye bag on my face.
I becoming more sick.

A good combination.

It's already over.

i really can't believe that she said to mother. was abit furious. Take a look at you now. You are still young. Oh god. What kind of decision is that?

I thought you are strong.
I thought you can be better than this.
You are running away again.
I can't believe this.
What so good about them that you run to them.
What so good??

I have enough of this madness.
FFFFFFFF!!!!

All i can see is just a empty bed.

My mind is spinning. Unable to stop this floatiness.
My energy is drained. Need to sleep.

Are you happy that she is out from the house?
Are you happy that she choose them instead of us?
Are you happy that you no need to waste your time yelling at her?

How can you pretend nothing happen?
How can you pretend that there's nothing wrong at all?

What is this madness?
What is this shit?

Why is this happening?
Can you think for a while because of you, she go to them?
Can you believe in her?
Can you stop accusing her?

I can't do anything.

I know i may sound like a lunatic. I have been stalking somebody blog since ancient.
I pluck out my courage just to tag on the owner and owner replied. I'm happy.
And no, it is just my eye candy.

List on what i can do.

Unsure what to do for the days that i'm going to be home.

1. Do house chores.
2. Surfing the net til your eyes get tired or maybe increased eye degree.
3. Doing quiz in Facebook. Playing Games in Facebook.
4. Playing solitare til i feel sleepy.
5. Watch my cat having their own nightmare. Meowing while sleeping.
6. Sleep like there's nobody care.
7. Craving for food after watching some advertisement.
8. Watching videos from youtube when my television fail me.
9. Sleep with my cat.
10. Disturb my baby by texting and miss call him.
11. Singing out loud at home only when there's nobody.
12. Turn on loud my radio and dance like nobody cares.
13. Read random novels. Read Harry Porter.
14. Upload some random songs.
15. Online on MSN and chat with friends or random people.
16. Get some random pictures on net and attempt to draw(since o, stop drawing)
17. Thinking on how to solve some problems.
18. Watch MTV.
19. Research on 2 mental illnesses.
20. Type out my journals based on my days at IMH.
21. Write down random thoughts on paper.

It's not that bad staying at home for a week however the bored part is looking at others who can go out. I've been craving for alot alot alot of food. I want to eat!!! Infact i'm hungry right now.

I WANT TO EAT!!!!! I WANT TO EAT!!!!! I MISS SCHOOL'S CHICKEN NOODLE. Damn it! I make myself salivate.

Some Random Thoughts.

Staying at home is not that bad. I can do alot of stuff.
Like cleaning up my room. Rearrange my books in the shelf, totally messy.
Can think about alot of stuff while doing it.

Recently don't know why my stomach is abit off. Keep on going to the restroom.
It seems that my second favourite place is the restroom.

I don't know why she ignoring us. She even block my best friend in MSN.
There must be a logic rationale on why she did this. Maybe it's just her ego.
I can't any how give a reason. Well let's see where this bring us to.

Let's hope it is negative and everything back to normal.

There's an outbreak and
here i am sleeping.

Nothing make sense anymore. People keep on blaming each other.
Talking behind each other back. The criticism. I hate it.

People are so addicted to do all the stupid things and i'm one of them.
I regret.

I've been doing so many unhealthy things. No running.
Alot of junk food and more sleep.
I regret.

Attachment is drawing near every minute. Not looking forward for it.
Sometimes i think that i am a failure.
Sometimes i think that the future for me are not so bright.
I am unsure about myself and the things i do and done.
I regret.

I want to run away from here
and never want to stop.

I can't face the same music over and over again.
I can't let it come smack right on my face.
I hate this moments.
I hate the rows we had and have.

I'm glad that we met up.
I'm glad that we talked about it.
I'm glad that we are okay now.
I'm glad that we sorted everything.

I love you and I miss you so much.
I really mean it.
Yes, i do Farah.

BBQ AT PASIR RIS!

22 June 2009, Monday

With good food and company, what can go wrong? I love my mates! Everybody was awesome.

Food was delicious. Everything is nice BUT not the people beside us. Miss you guys.