imagine how hurt it is.

I want you to visualise.

you were sleeping with someone you love. Dear to you.
side by side. Holding hands.
when you shift to your side, someone you love hug you from behind. Kiss your head.
you feel protected. You feel like you're the little girl to the someone you love.

It leads to some thing. You would do to the someone you love.
You kissed someone you love and whisper "i love you".
someone you love whisper it back.

everything ends. You lay down beside someone you love.
Listen to the breathing. It was music to your ears. You were about to sleep.

Someone you loved said he was not ready for a relationship.
That you deserve better. It was his mistake to begin all this.

You started to cry. He cried with you.

At the end, he left you.

It hurts.

perhaps

Perhaps I don't give much to show.
perhaps I don't say much to know.
perhaps I don't show much for affections.

I know one day you will leave me.

It's not I want to do this.
taking a step for me is painful.
It's the only truth.

evanescence

"My Heart Is Broken"

I will wander 'til the end of time, torn away from you.

I pulled away to face the pain.
I close my eyes and drift away.
Over the fear that I will never find
A way to heal my soul.
And I will wander 'til the end of time
Torn away from you.

My heart is broken
Sweet sleep, my dark angel
Deliver us from sorrow's hold
(Over my heart).

I can't go on living this way
But I can't go back the way I came
Chained to this fear that I will never find
A way to heal my soul
And I will wander 'til the end of time
Half alive without you

My heart is broken
Sweet sleep, my dark angel
Deliver us

Change - open your eyes to the light
I denied it all so long, oh so long
Say goodbye, goodbye

My heart is broken
Release me, I can't hold on
Deliver us
My heart is broken
Sweet sleep, my dark angel
Deliver us
My heart is broken
Sweet sleep, my dark angel
Deliver us from sorrow's hold

You and that smile. :/

My  thoughts are unrefined mess of sentiment.

I am angry for no reason.
I do not like this feeling at all.
It is depressing.
really.

insurgent

I think we cry to release the animal parts of us without losing humanity.

Soulmate"

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

The last lecture

"Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have infinite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won't make us happier."

conditions.

pardon me do my terrible English.

I was diagnosed with bells palsy. do Google it up if you want to know the details.
I was in denial. so angry. so sad.

I woke one day just to realise something was wrong. why can't I drink properly. smile properly. frown properly. I cried. I felt helpless. that's when my self esteem and confidence went down terribly.

I consult a doctor. gave me medications only for 2 weeks supply.
After 2 weeks my condition still remain the same.

2 weeks of fountain. away from guest. away from socialising. I just can't.  I cried and cried.
so angry. went to see specialist, well it takes time to recover.

well I have no choice but to force myself back up. I have no choice to have that confidence but my self esteem, well I can't bring it up. I just can't. 
every time I smile or laugh I will just cover my mouth because I don't like it. I don't like it when I can't smile properly.

I fear that I can't smile ever again. properly that is.

I have to face this challenge and I must be brave. 
Allah s.w.t gave me this challenge and the challenge is accepted.

have a little faith - mitch albom

-God and the decision he renders is correct.
God doesn't punish anyone out of the blue.
God knows what he is doing.-

broken

One thing for sure and I am positive with it, is that I can't live without my family
How broken it was, I can't live without them
I am not saying that every family have to be perfect.
How dysfunctional is the family, I just can't live without them

How I grew up without a father. Then I grew up with a step father. Then no father once again
Seeing it all falling apart once again. I grew up in a failing family, it is not that I going to dwell about it.
However with this, I know that this will be my strength.

Strength to pick up each pieces. Not trying to paste everything back, I can't.
I will just love every each moment, everything. Every moment, sad angry or what ever we are feeling
We will just grow stronger small steps

I can't deny that I really wanted a good family, a well to do family but this family will do.
How broken it is, it is still my family. I just can't live without them
How sometimes I wake up tasting failure and disgust, wondering if everything will be okay
It will be okay. Not now. Maybe future.

How broken i was, I am deeply cut. Scarred with anger. I grow up with anger til now.
I am broken

But it does not mean, you have the right to look down on my family. You don't
You are not perfect. We are not perfect. Just live with it like I do now.

People will never be satisfy with time if they do not appreciate time.

Adam Lambert - underneath

Strip away the flesh and bone
Look beyond the lies you've known
Everybody wants to talk about a freak
No one wants to dig that deep
Let me take you underneath
Baby better watch your step
Never mind what's on the left
You're gonna see things you might not wanna see
It's still not that easy for me
Underneath
A red river of screams
Underneath
Tears in my eyes
Underneath
Stars in my black and blue sky
And underneath
Under my skin
Underneath
The depths of my sin
Look at me
Now do you see?
Welcome to my world of truth
I don't wanna hide any part of me from you
I'm standing here with no apologies
Such a beautiful release
You inside of me
A red river of screams
Underneath
Tears in my eyes
Underneath
Stars in my black and blue sky
And underneath
Under my skin
Underneath
the depths of my sin
Look at me
Now do you see?
Underneath
Underneath
Underneath
Underneath
Underneath, yeah
Welcome to my world of truth
A red river of screams
Underneath
Tears in my eyes
Underneath
Stars in my black and blue sky
And underneath
Under my skin
Underneath
the depths of my sin
Look at me
Now do you see?
Underneath
Underneath
Underneath
Look at me, do you see?
yeah, yeah, yeah
Look at me, do see me?
Welcome to my world of truth
I don't wanna hide any part of me from you

sick

Is it my duty to chase after when it is your duty to commit and give willingly.
I am sick and tired of chasing.

"Man alone measures time.
Man alone chimes the hour.
And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralysing fear that no other creature endures.
A fear of time running out."

so.

No procrastination.
Reminder to myself
No negativity
No laziness

Yes I can do this.

Scratch head with me, PEOPLE!!!!!!

Till it bleed!!

WHERE RAINBOWS END

FatherMichael has entered the room.

Wildflower: Ah, don't tell me you're through a divorce yourself, Father?

SureOne: Don't be silly, Wildflower; have a bit of respect! He's here for the ceremony.

Wildflower: I know that. I was just trying to lighten the atmosphere.

FatherMichael: So have the loving couple arrived yet?

SureOne: No, but it's customary for the bride be late.

FatherMichael: Well, is the groom here?

SingleSam has entered the room.

Wildflower: Here he is now. Hello there, SingleSam. I think this is the first time ever both the bride and groom will have to change the names.

SingleSam: Hello, all.

Buttercup: Where's the bride?

SingleSam: She's right here on the laptop beside me. She's just having problems with her password logging in.

SureOne: Doomed from the start.

Divorced_1 has entered the room.

Wildflower: Wahoo! Here comes the bride, all dressed in ...?

SingleSam: Black.

Wildflower: How charming.

Buttercup: She's right to wear black.

Divorced_1: What's wrong with misery guts today?

LonelyLady: She found a letter from Alex that was written twelve years ago, proclaiming his love for her, and she doesn't know what to do.

Divorced_1: Here's a word of advice. Get over it, he's married. Now let's focus the attention on me for a change.

SoOverHim has entered the room.

FatherMichael: OK, let's begin. We are gathered here online today to witness the marriage of SingleSam (soon to be 'Sam') and Divorced_1 (soon to be 'Married_1')

you.

I hope you I hope you will make me happy Because I Because I will try to be happy as long you try to be there Because I won't Because I won't hesitate to leave. I won't get hurt again.