Soulmate"

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

The last lecture

"Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have infinite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won't make us happier."

conditions.

pardon me do my terrible English.

I was diagnosed with bells palsy. do Google it up if you want to know the details.
I was in denial. so angry. so sad.

I woke one day just to realise something was wrong. why can't I drink properly. smile properly. frown properly. I cried. I felt helpless. that's when my self esteem and confidence went down terribly.

I consult a doctor. gave me medications only for 2 weeks supply.
After 2 weeks my condition still remain the same.

2 weeks of fountain. away from guest. away from socialising. I just can't.  I cried and cried.
so angry. went to see specialist, well it takes time to recover.

well I have no choice but to force myself back up. I have no choice to have that confidence but my self esteem, well I can't bring it up. I just can't. 
every time I smile or laugh I will just cover my mouth because I don't like it. I don't like it when I can't smile properly.

I fear that I can't smile ever again. properly that is.

I have to face this challenge and I must be brave. 
Allah s.w.t gave me this challenge and the challenge is accepted.

have a little faith - mitch albom

-God and the decision he renders is correct.
God doesn't punish anyone out of the blue.
God knows what he is doing.-

broken

One thing for sure and I am positive with it, is that I can't live without my family
How broken it was, I can't live without them
I am not saying that every family have to be perfect.
How dysfunctional is the family, I just can't live without them

How I grew up without a father. Then I grew up with a step father. Then no father once again
Seeing it all falling apart once again. I grew up in a failing family, it is not that I going to dwell about it.
However with this, I know that this will be my strength.

Strength to pick up each pieces. Not trying to paste everything back, I can't.
I will just love every each moment, everything. Every moment, sad angry or what ever we are feeling
We will just grow stronger small steps

I can't deny that I really wanted a good family, a well to do family but this family will do.
How broken it is, it is still my family. I just can't live without them
How sometimes I wake up tasting failure and disgust, wondering if everything will be okay
It will be okay. Not now. Maybe future.

How broken i was, I am deeply cut. Scarred with anger. I grow up with anger til now.
I am broken

But it does not mean, you have the right to look down on my family. You don't
You are not perfect. We are not perfect. Just live with it like I do now.

People will never be satisfy with time if they do not appreciate time.

Adam Lambert - underneath

Strip away the flesh and bone
Look beyond the lies you've known
Everybody wants to talk about a freak
No one wants to dig that deep
Let me take you underneath
Baby better watch your step
Never mind what's on the left
You're gonna see things you might not wanna see
It's still not that easy for me
Underneath
A red river of screams
Underneath
Tears in my eyes
Underneath
Stars in my black and blue sky
And underneath
Under my skin
Underneath
The depths of my sin
Look at me
Now do you see?
Welcome to my world of truth
I don't wanna hide any part of me from you
I'm standing here with no apologies
Such a beautiful release
You inside of me
A red river of screams
Underneath
Tears in my eyes
Underneath
Stars in my black and blue sky
And underneath
Under my skin
Underneath
the depths of my sin
Look at me
Now do you see?
Underneath
Underneath
Underneath
Underneath
Underneath, yeah
Welcome to my world of truth
A red river of screams
Underneath
Tears in my eyes
Underneath
Stars in my black and blue sky
And underneath
Under my skin
Underneath
the depths of my sin
Look at me
Now do you see?
Underneath
Underneath
Underneath
Look at me, do you see?
yeah, yeah, yeah
Look at me, do see me?
Welcome to my world of truth
I don't wanna hide any part of me from you

sick

Is it my duty to chase after when it is your duty to commit and give willingly.
I am sick and tired of chasing.

"Man alone measures time.
Man alone chimes the hour.
And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralysing fear that no other creature endures.
A fear of time running out."

so.

No procrastination.
Reminder to myself
No negativity
No laziness

Yes I can do this.

Scratch head with me, PEOPLE!!!!!!

Till it bleed!!

WHERE RAINBOWS END

FatherMichael has entered the room.

Wildflower: Ah, don't tell me you're through a divorce yourself, Father?

SureOne: Don't be silly, Wildflower; have a bit of respect! He's here for the ceremony.

Wildflower: I know that. I was just trying to lighten the atmosphere.

FatherMichael: So have the loving couple arrived yet?

SureOne: No, but it's customary for the bride be late.

FatherMichael: Well, is the groom here?

SingleSam has entered the room.

Wildflower: Here he is now. Hello there, SingleSam. I think this is the first time ever both the bride and groom will have to change the names.

SingleSam: Hello, all.

Buttercup: Where's the bride?

SingleSam: She's right here on the laptop beside me. She's just having problems with her password logging in.

SureOne: Doomed from the start.

Divorced_1 has entered the room.

Wildflower: Wahoo! Here comes the bride, all dressed in ...?

SingleSam: Black.

Wildflower: How charming.

Buttercup: She's right to wear black.

Divorced_1: What's wrong with misery guts today?

LonelyLady: She found a letter from Alex that was written twelve years ago, proclaiming his love for her, and she doesn't know what to do.

Divorced_1: Here's a word of advice. Get over it, he's married. Now let's focus the attention on me for a change.

SoOverHim has entered the room.

FatherMichael: OK, let's begin. We are gathered here online today to witness the marriage of SingleSam (soon to be 'Sam') and Divorced_1 (soon to be 'Married_1')

you.

I hope you I hope you will make me happy Because I Because I will try to be happy as long you try to be there Because I won't Because I won't hesitate to leave. I won't get hurt again.

Love. Lost.

The love of my life.

Fly away.

With just one blow.

I lost the love.

Empty

When you know you are actually longing for someone to hold, there's no one there.

When you know you are actually missing someone, there's no one missing you back.

When you know you love that someone so much, that someone don't even love you back.

When you know your heart feels empty without that someone, you can't do anything about it.

Helpless as I can be.

Emotional as I tried not to.

Anger just buried inside.

I am breaking apart.

I can't rely on myself.

I'm trying to get back on my feet.

I'm trying to feel again.

I'm trying to love me again.

I love you but wait, what's good is love anyway.?

Loving you still.

I love you and you must know that. I miss you and you must know that. Only god knows how I feel. I told you before no words can describe the love I felt for you. I can't believe you left me cold like this. I'm still in denial. I can't accept this yet. I'm still in love with you.

Not okay.

If you know me too well. You shall know I'm not okay. So don't repeat question about me being okay because at the end of the fucking day I shall only reply I Will be okay.

I unable to find myself. I lost it. Seriously lost it. I drown myself in sorrow every single night. Just to think of you.

I just feel like cutting my heart out to show you how I feel for you but its fucking wrong to do it.

People said just let it go, you Will find someone. God have plans for us. However I can't let it go. Well, at the end of the day I must learn to let it go. Only left with a distant memories.

Personally, I think most guys are the same. Fucking Shit is contain in their head. Forgive me if you guys disagree but already stated MOST. I shall never look in relationship the same ever again. Sickening you can say.

I must be stupid to wait.

I have been thinking a lot nowadays. not myself. Mixture of feeling. Angry.. Sadness.. Mostly angry. Can't make myself detach of longing for someone. God help your poor soul. I can rely on myself.

Must

must be strong. Must detach myself from negativity. Must not stay stagnant like this forever. You can do this Faizah.

Don't

Don't make me fall in the endless pit of fucking Shit. I'm already at my downside. Today is one of those days.