http://thoughtcatalog.com/kim-quindlen/2014/12/why-she-doesnt-believe-that-you-love-her/
-Izah

On the same page.
In the same boat.
we're going down the drain.

I hate those sentence.
I've always stayed. Always.
Even how difficult it was. I had always hang on.
What did I get? Oblivion. Forgotten.

I don't think you've yet to know me.

What I am feeling right now?
I have no idea.
It's like you don't want to move but you have to.
It's like you don't want to speak but you have to.
It's like you don't want to live but you have to.
I don't know where we heading to.
I am not oblivious to the fact that you are trying to make this right.
However i can't accept the fact you don't know where you heading to.
So where are we now?

I don't want to see you to ignore me.
I don't want to see my dreams all come crashing down.
I still have that child in me.

I want security and safety.
I want togetherness.

oh god.

pills

The fact that I'm not getting any better.
It marks 1 freaking years I'm having bells palsy on board.
So what's the use of me taking the pills everyday.

Missing"

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

[Chorus:]
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"

[Chorus]

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

[Chorus]

alter bridge

"Watch Over You"

Leaves are on the ground
Fall has come
Blue skies turning grey
Like my love

I tried to carry you
And make you whole
But it was never enough
I must go

[Chorus:]
Who is gonna save you
When I'm gone?
And who'll watch over you
When I'm gone?

You say you care for me
But hide it well
How can you love someone
And not yourself?

[Chorus]

And when I'm gone
Who will break your fall?
Who will you blame?

I can't go on
And let you lose it all
It's more than I can take
Who'll ease your pain?
Ease your pain

[Chorus:]
Who is gonna save you when I'm gone?
Who'll watch over you?
Who will give you strength when you're not strong.
Who'll watch over you when I've gone away?

Snow is on the ground
Winters come
You long to hear my voice
But I'm long gone

Can you don't leave me hanging?

Chris brown

"Say Goodbye"

Look we gotta talk
Dang I know
I know it's just
It's just...
Some things I gotta get of my chest alright....
Yeahhhh...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, whoa...
Listen..

Baby come here and sit down, let's talk
I got a lot to say so I guess I'll start by
Saying that I love you,
But you know, this thing ain't been
No walk in the park for us
I swear it'll only take a minute
You'll understand when I finish, yeah
And I don't wanna see you cry
But I don't wanna be the one to tell you a lie so

[Hook]
How do you let it go? When you,
You just don't know? What's on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Everything I tried to remember to say
Just went out my head
So I'ma do the best I can to get you to understand
'cause I know

[Chorus]
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you, it's me
I kinda gotta figure out what I need (oh)
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

Girl I know your heart is breaking
And a thousand times I
Found myself asking, "Why? Why?"
Why am I taking so long to say this?
But trust me, girl I never
Meant to crush your world
And I never
Thought I would see the day we grew apart
And I wanna know

[Hook]
How do you let it go? When you,
You just don't know? What's on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Girl I hope you understand
What I'm tryna say.
We just can't go on
Pretending that we get along
Girl how you not gonna see it?

[Chorus]
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you it's me.
I kinda gotta figure out what I need (oh)
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

Listen to your heart
Girl you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can't do it
I, I just can't do it
Listen to your heart
Girl you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can't do it
And sometimes it makes me wanna cry
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh [4x]
Do you hear me crying?
Oh, oh, oh [4x]

[Chorus]
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you it's me.
I kinda gotta figure out what I need (oh)
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

[Chorus]
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you it's me.
I kinda gotta figure out what I need (oh)
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

The fault in our stars - John green

"And in freedom, most people find sins."

lingers

Your smile.
your grin.
your smell.
your touch.
your kiss.
your hug.
your loud snore.
your eyes.
your crooked teeth.
Your jokes.
your unique laugh.
your hair.
your arm.
your chest.
your leg.
your butt.
your high pitch voice.
your everything.
:'(

imagine how hurt it is.

I want you to visualise.

you were sleeping with someone you love. Dear to you.
side by side. Holding hands.
when you shift to your side, someone you love hug you from behind. Kiss your head.
you feel protected. You feel like you're the little girl to the someone you love.

It leads to some thing. You would do to the someone you love.
You kissed someone you love and whisper "i love you".
someone you love whisper it back.

everything ends. You lay down beside someone you love.
Listen to the breathing. It was music to your ears. You were about to sleep.

Someone you loved said he was not ready for a relationship.
That you deserve better. It was his mistake to begin all this.

You started to cry. He cried with you.

At the end, he left you.

It hurts.

perhaps

Perhaps I don't give much to show.
perhaps I don't say much to know.
perhaps I don't show much for affections.

I know one day you will leave me.

It's not I want to do this.
taking a step for me is painful.
It's the only truth.

evanescence

"My Heart Is Broken"

I will wander 'til the end of time, torn away from you.

I pulled away to face the pain.
I close my eyes and drift away.
Over the fear that I will never find
A way to heal my soul.
And I will wander 'til the end of time
Torn away from you.

My heart is broken
Sweet sleep, my dark angel
Deliver us from sorrow's hold
(Over my heart).

I can't go on living this way
But I can't go back the way I came
Chained to this fear that I will never find
A way to heal my soul
And I will wander 'til the end of time
Half alive without you

My heart is broken
Sweet sleep, my dark angel
Deliver us

Change - open your eyes to the light
I denied it all so long, oh so long
Say goodbye, goodbye

My heart is broken
Release me, I can't hold on
Deliver us
My heart is broken
Sweet sleep, my dark angel
Deliver us
My heart is broken
Sweet sleep, my dark angel
Deliver us from sorrow's hold

You and that smile. :/

My  thoughts are unrefined mess of sentiment.

I am angry for no reason.
I do not like this feeling at all.
It is depressing.
really.

insurgent

I think we cry to release the animal parts of us without losing humanity.

Soulmate"

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

The last lecture

"Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have infinite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won't make us happier."

conditions.

pardon me do my terrible English.

I was diagnosed with bells palsy. do Google it up if you want to know the details.
I was in denial. so angry. so sad.

I woke one day just to realise something was wrong. why can't I drink properly. smile properly. frown properly. I cried. I felt helpless. that's when my self esteem and confidence went down terribly.

I consult a doctor. gave me medications only for 2 weeks supply.
After 2 weeks my condition still remain the same.

2 weeks of fountain. away from guest. away from socialising. I just can't.  I cried and cried.
so angry. went to see specialist, well it takes time to recover.

well I have no choice but to force myself back up. I have no choice to have that confidence but my self esteem, well I can't bring it up. I just can't. 
every time I smile or laugh I will just cover my mouth because I don't like it. I don't like it when I can't smile properly.

I fear that I can't smile ever again. properly that is.

I have to face this challenge and I must be brave. 
Allah s.w.t gave me this challenge and the challenge is accepted.