I love you.

Everybody have their struggles.
Everybody had their struggles.
In life.

What you see now, it's a product from that struggle.
You have no idea, how hard it is to put aside somebody else flaws and move on.

I kept everyone together even if it hurts me like a thousand knifes plunge onto my back.  I put aside my ego and move.

Thousand times, i felt like ending my life. The sorrow i cannot compare what i feel now when i am sad.

I have my piece of struggles and if god wants me to go through it again, i will embrace it with strength.


So noooo, don't compare my struggle with others.
You have no idea what we've been through.

I hate it when/what you say that starts with a but. No. Don't.
I didn't ask for your opinion, i asked for a listening ears.

If you haven't been through my misery and sadness, you didn't share all that in the past, you have no right to judge me.

Apologies if your thoughts and opinion differs with my thoughts and opinion.

Everyone have their different share of struggles. Its a matter they work it out or not. Period. ✌🏼

I am a petty person.
If you didn't tell me the small little things, i will get upset.

You can sulk, bro. Sulk. I dont fucking care.

Lirik Hanya Milikmu - Anuar Zain

Lirik Hanya Milikmu - Anuar Zain

Aku tak salahkan hatimu,
Bila harap itu tak ada,
Tak relakan bila terjadi,
hanya waktu yang tentukan.

ku ingin kuatkan hatimu (setiamu),
Yakin ku hanyalah milikmu,
Besar cintaku tak berubah,
Walau kini rasa itu luluhkan hatimu.

c/o
Ku hanya milik mu,
Coba kau rasa yakinnya hatiku,
Meski kau tinggalkan,
Masih ku milikmu,
Mengertikah bila cinta ini,
Tak akan pernah sedikit pun pudar,
Selain untuk mu (untuk mu).

Ku harapkan hanya padamu,
Ketulusan ini nanti kan ku jalani,
Tetap ku milikmu,
Mengertikah bila cinta ini,
Memang tak pernah sedikit pun pudar,
Selain untuk mu.

Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again. Maybe someday you'll have woke up, And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one: "Isn't something missing?" You won't cry for my absence, I know You forgot me long ago. Am I that unimportant? Am I so insignificant? Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me? Even though I'm the sacrifice, You won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone. Isn't someone missing me? Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again. I know what you do to yourself, I breathe deep and cry out: "Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me?" Even though I'm the sacrifice, You won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone. Isn't someone missing me? And if I bleed, I'll bleed, Knowing you don't care. And if I sleep just to dream of you And wake without you there, Isn't something missing? Isn't something Even though I'm the sacrifice, You won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone. Isn't someone missing me? Read more: Evanescence - Missing Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

List

My List:
1. Loves your good qualities, accepts and embraces the bad without making you feel guilty for having flaws
2. Is there for you when you need him, even if it's inconvenient for him
3. Considers you when making decisions, both big and small
4. Listens to what you say and hears the things you don't say
5. Growth-oriented, always trying to work on himself and be better
6. Common beliefs/values
7. Brings out the best in you- Sees your strengths and helps nurture those qualities
8. Respects you, everything about you- your thoughts, ambitions, opinions, things you say, company you keep
9. Sees you as an equal, doesn't condescend and look down on you and doesn't rely on you for validation or to be an emotional crutch
10. Trustworthy- you feel safe being open and honest with him, not afraid of him violating that trust or using anything against you and don't feel afraid he'll leave you unexpectedly and seemingly out of the blue (sadly, this is a major fear underlying many relationships)

Eric's list: 1) He views you as his partner - the relationship is something more than just you and him... together, you and him are a team. And as that team, you are both individually stronger than you could be on your own.
2) You respect him, his values and how he lives his life. 3) You're not hoping for some change after marriage... you fully accept him now. - Yes, when you marry the man who plays video games for 8 hours a day on weekends, he will still be that guy after marriage... if you can't fully accept him now, don't go further...
4) He respects you, your values and how you live your life.
5) You're able to communicate with each other, even about tough issues and even if one person is upset with the other.
6) He's willing to put effort into the relationship - Very important to understand what he considers putting effort into a relationship is... he might play video games all day when he's home, but believes he puts tons of effort into the relationship since he works hard at his job to earn money, buys gifts for his girl, remembers anniversaries and special occasions and praises & encourages his girl.
7) Wants marriage with you... - This is kind of a "duh" thing, but trying to marry a guy that doesn't feel like he's "seen it all, done it all" is a bad idea. Granted, he didn't need to live a James Bond life of non-stop flings - the important thing is that he feels he no longer desires to live that lifestyle.

I remember that we are holding hands and running under the rain laughing, looking for a shelter. I hate remembering this.

Just something.

"All I Have"

Love is life and life is livin'
It's very special
All my love...

Oh...oh...oh...oh...oh...
(Baby, don't go)
(Baby, don't go) Yeah
(Baby, don't go, uh)
(Baby, don't go) Yeah
(Baby, don't go)
(Baby, don't go) Yeah, yeah
(Why you act like that)

It's such a shame, but I'm leavin'
Can't take the way you mistreated me
And it's crazy, but oh, baby
It don't matter, whatever, don't phase me

Uh, uh, uh
I don't believe you wanna leave like this
I don't believe I just had my last real kiss
I do believe we'll laugh and reminisce
Wait a minute, don't bounce, baby, let's talk about this, man

Well, I'm bouncin' and I'm out, son
I gotta leave you alone

'Cause I'm good holdin' down my spot
And I'm good reppin' the girls on the block
And I'm good, I got this thing on lock
So without me you'll be fine, right

All my pride is all I have
(Pride is what you had, baby girl, I'm what you have)
You'll be needin' me, but too bad
(Be easy, don't make decisions when you mad)
The path you chose to run alone
(I know you're independent, you can make it on your own)
Here with me you had a home, oh, yeah
(But time is of the essence, why spend it alone, huh)

The nights I waited up for you (Oh, boy)
Promises you made about comin' through
So much time you wasted
That's why I had to replace you

Uh, uh, uh
It makes a cat nervous, the thought of settlin' down
Especially me, I was creepin' all over town
I thought my tender touch could lock you down
I knew I had you, as cocky as it sounds
The way you used to giggle before i put it down
It's better when you angry, come here, I'll prove it now, come here

Stop playin, you gamin'
I gotta leave you alone

'Cause I'm good holdin' down my spot (Stop actin' like that)
And I'm good reppin' the girls on the block (Now you
know you need to stop)
And I'm good, I got this thing on lock
So without me you'll be fine, right (Here we go)

All my pride is all I have
(Pride is what you had, baby girl, I'm what you have)
You'll be needin' me, but too bad
(Be easy, don't make decisions when you mad)
The path you chose to run alone
(I know you're independent, you can make it on your own)
Here with me you had a home, oh, yeah
(But time is of the essence, why spend it alone, huh)

People make mistakes to make up, to break
To wake up cold and lonely, chill, baby, you know me
You love me, I'm like your homey
Instead of beef you come hold me
I promise I'm not a phony
Don't bounce, baby, console me, come here

Ain't nothin' you can say to me that can change my mind
I gotta let you go now
And nothin' will ever be the same, so just be on your way
Go 'head and do your thing now
And there's no more to explain to me, you no
I know your game and I'm feelin' what you do

So I'm bouncin' and I'm out, son
I gotta leave you alone, yeah, yeah

All my pride is all I have
(Pride is what you had, baby girl, I'm what you have)
You'll be needin' me, but too bad
(Be easy, don't make decisions when you mad)
The path you chose to run alone
(I know you're independent, you can make it on your own)
Here with me you had a home, oh, yeah
(But time is of the essence, why spend it alone, huh)

All my pride is all I have
(Pride is what you had, baby girl, I'm what you have)
You'll be needin' me, but too bad
(Be easy, don't make decisions when you mad)
The path you chose to run alone
(I know you're independent, you can make it on your
own)
Here with me you had a home, oh, yeah
(But time is of the essence, why spend it alone, huh)

I promise you

 Sonata Rindu - Hazami

Setulusnya cintaku padamu
Telah lama pasrah ku menanti
Ku berikan segala-gala untukmu
Kerana hatiku ini milikmu

Dikau hiaskan rindu ini
Dengan senyuman dan tawamu
Tak pernah ku lelah mencintaimu

Bersama ku mohon akhirnya
Ku mahu kau sentiasa di sisiku
Sesaat tanpamu sepi hidupku

Ku sebutkan namamu sayang
Agar kau tahu
Yang selalu merindukan cintamu
Akulah kekasihmu
Ku ingin bersamamu

(╥_╥)

Ive hurt you so many times.
Ive hurt myself so many times.

We hurt each other.

This kind of messages made me smile a lot. Reading our old conversation.

I love you.

You are using me? Are you?
Why i got the feeling that you keep a lot from me?
Do you love me?

Q: When is the best time to do istighfar?
Ans: In the early morning hours (sahur).

Give yourself permission to be the brand new you by doing istighfar in the early morning!


Allah says in Surah Ali-Imran verse 3:17:
الصَّابِرِينَ وَالصَّادِقِينَ وَالْقَانِتِينَ وَالْمُنفِقِينَ وَالْمُسْتَغْفِرِينَ بِالْأَسْحَارِ ﴿١٧﴾

Which means:
"The patient, the true, the obedient, those who spend [in the way of Allah], and those who seek forgiveness before dawn. (17)"


And again in Surah Az-Zariyat verse 51:18:
وَبِالْأَسْحَارِ هُمْ يَسْتَغْفِرُونَ ﴿١٨﴾

Which means:
"And in the hours before dawn they would ask forgiveness, (18)"

We all love Allah s.w.t., but our love for Him will not overcome His grand love for us. Seek forgiveness from Allah s.w.t. in istighfar insyaAllah Allah s.w.t. will forgive us and change our life for the better!
Allah says in Surah Nuh:
فَقُلْتُ اسْتَغْفِرُوا رَبَّكُمْ إِنَّهُ كَانَ غَفَّارًا ﴿١٠﴾
يُرْسِلِ السَّمَاءَ عَلَيْكُم مِّدْرَارًا ﴿١١﴾
 وَيُمْدِدْكُم بِأَمْوَالٍ وَبَنِينَ وَيَجْعَل لَّكُمْ جَنَّاتٍ وَيَجْعَل لَّكُمْ أَنْهَارًا ﴿١٢﴾
 مَّا لَكُمْ لَا تَرْجُونَ لِلَّـهِ وَقَارًا ﴿١٣﴾

ENGLISH TRANSLATION:
And said, 'Ask forgiveness of your Lord. Indeed, He is ever a Perpetual Forgiver. (10) He will send [rain from] the sky upon you in [continuing] showers (11) And give you increase in wealth and children and provide for you gardens and provide for you rivers. (12) What is [the matter] with you that you do not attribute to Allah [due] grandeur (13)

No. I tried to wait to let this matter rest but today it still bother me that much.
You did not tell me. "Cuci mata"

Am i not pretty enough?
Am i not good enough for You to see?

I know where i stand.

I never look at other guys and say cuci mata.
The only time i look is the guys from television. Not realistic.
Unlike you.

And if you think im not important to you.
Tell me love.
I will back out.

sometimes we can suddenly feel hurt or upset by
something minor. When this happens, it usually isn't the result of what's going on in the
present, but it's because some hurt from the past was triggered. If you find yourself
feeling scared or upset, just be open and tell

"Anger makes you  smaller, while  forgiveness forces you to  grow beyond what you  were" - Cherie Carter- Scott   

"The past is a foreign  country; they do things  differently there" ~Lesley  P. Hartley   

"To be wronged is  nothing unless you  continue to remember  it" - Confucius?   

"There's no point in  burying a hatchet if  you're going to put up a  marker on the  site"  ~Sydney Harris?   

"Sometimes good things  fall apart so better things  can fall together"-  Marilyn Monroe   

"Holding on to anger is  like grasping a hot coal  with the intent of  throwing it at someone  else; you are the one  getting burned" - Buddha   

"No matter how well you  nurse a grudge, it will  never get better" -Joyce  Smith  

 "No one can go back and  make a brand new start,  my friend, but anyone  can start from here and  make a brand new end" - Dan Zadra 

 "Once a woman has  forgiven her man, she  must not reheat his sins  for breakfast" Marlene  Dietrich   

"Forgiveness does not  change the past, but it  does enlarge the future"  - Paul Boese   

"We are all here for  some special reason.  Stop being a prisoner of  your past. Become the  architect of your future" -  Robin Sharma 

 "We must embrace pain  and burn it as fuel for our  journey" - Kenji  Miyazawa

 When two people are in a relationship, they should bring out the best in one another.  

They should challenge each other to grow so that their attributes strengthen and they become the best versions of themselves. 

 When a relationship crushes you and forces you to shrink, placing a dark mask over the things that make you shine, there are problems brewing.

One person isn't supposed to have absolute power, a relationship should be a democracy, not a dictatorship.

Because people have made her promises in the past and they’ve broken them. Because no matter how hard she works or how good of a person she is, she doesn’t believe she is worthy of love.

Because she’s had too many people leave her – both intentionally and unintentionally – and she doesn’t want to give you the chance to leave too. There are a million reasons she might not be able to believe that you love her. And there will be a million more in the future. She’s been through so much.

So much. She’s had moments where she didn’t know how she was going to keep going.

Moments where she didn’t think she could get out of bed, and worse moments where she did get out of bed and she felt like an empty shell while she was walking around. At some points, she was so lost and so torn up that she wasn’t even sure if she was real. Sometimes she can’t believe that you love her, but other times she doesn’t want to believe that you love her, because that would just be too good, and good is not what she’s used to. She doesn’t want to love you and then lose you.

She’s scared, because having someone and then not suddenly not having them is a lot scarier than being alone. She might be extremely secure with herself, or she might think she is nothing.
She might be somewhere right down the middle. Regardless, she can’t believe she will find love with someone like you, because she hasn’t seen enough of it yet. She’s seen some beautiful love, but she has a hard time remembering that kind of love when she’s watching the sadder stories unfold.

She’s seen her friends get hurt, and she’s seen her friends hurt other people. She knows that breaking someone’s heart doesn’t always mean you’re a jerk or a heartless monster. She knows good people hurt other good people. Sometimes one person just doesn’t love another in the same way.

Sometimes they did love that person and then they fall out of it. Either way, they have to be honest with themselves, and they have to be fair to the other person. In the end, someone always gets crushed. Maybe she’s afraid to love you because she’s been the person that’s broken someone else’s heart. Being hurt doesn’t always have to mean you were on the receiving end.
You can hurt yourself by hurting someone else, to the point where you can’t even breathe and you hate waking up in your own body, knowing what you did and how you made someone else feel. Maybe she loved someone but knew they weren’t the right person for her, so she had to leave them.

And now she’s worried that you’re going to do the same thing to her.
That, even though you love her and you are kindhearted and you have the purest intentions, you still might have to walk away. She knows there are so many reasons why this might not work, so instead of paying attention to the one reason why it will, she focuses on the ways it won’t. It’s called self-preservation, and it’s all she knows. She listens to love songs and she lets them pass through her and she wants them to be her life. But she can’t. She wants to be that sickeningly happy.

To be so in love that you laugh at things that aren’t that funny and so in love that you aren’t fazed by rude people or stressful situations. But she won’t let herself give into the fantasy of leaning her head against the train window and listening to that song and wearing a dizzying smile as she thinks about you. She’d rather stay on the cautious side. This side of things is not thrilling or exhilarating. You don’t get goosebumps, and you don’t feel as if you need to go outside and run a mile in order to get rid of the boundless energy you feel just from thinking about someone else. This side isn’t living. But it’s safe and secure and she has a grip on her head and her heart. She doesn’t feel shaky or unstable. She’s in control. Maybe, technically, she doesbelieve that you love her.

Somewhere inside of her, once you get past all of the defense mechanisms, she is soft and she feels things and she believes that you love her. But this is also the part of her that is the most vulnerable.

She knows that if she’s going to let herself feel what you’re telling her and if she’s going to believe that you love her, she’s going to have to expose her soft side, her vulnerable side – the side she works the hardest to keep safe. She wants to trust you. She wants to believe that you’re different. She wants to give you the chance to break her into a million pieces. But you’ve got to meet her halfway.

You’ve got to let her know that you’re scared too. You’ve got to remind her that you’re just as much at risk, because she can break you into a million pieces too. If she can’t believe that you love her, tell her anyway. Every day. Show her.

Make her understand that you’re not going anywhere. Because at the end of the day, you want her to be staring out that train window, thinking only of you.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/kim-quindlen/2014/12/why-she-doesnt-believe-that-you-love-her/
-Izah

On the same page.
In the same boat.
we're going down the drain.

I hate those sentence.
I've always stayed. Always.
Even how difficult it was. I had always hang on.
What did I get? Oblivion. Forgotten.

I don't think you've yet to know me.

What I am feeling right now?
I have no idea.
It's like you don't want to move but you have to.
It's like you don't want to speak but you have to.
It's like you don't want to live but you have to.
I don't know where we heading to.
I am not oblivious to the fact that you are trying to make this right.
However i can't accept the fact you don't know where you heading to.
So where are we now?

I don't want to see you to ignore me.
I don't want to see my dreams all come crashing down.
I still have that child in me.

I want security and safety.
I want togetherness.

oh god.

pills

The fact that I'm not getting any better.
It marks 1 freaking years I'm having bells palsy on board.
So what's the use of me taking the pills everyday.

Missing"

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

[Chorus:]
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"

[Chorus]

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

[Chorus]

alter bridge

"Watch Over You"

Leaves are on the ground
Fall has come
Blue skies turning grey
Like my love

I tried to carry you
And make you whole
But it was never enough
I must go

[Chorus:]
Who is gonna save you
When I'm gone?
And who'll watch over you
When I'm gone?

You say you care for me
But hide it well
How can you love someone
And not yourself?

[Chorus]

And when I'm gone
Who will break your fall?
Who will you blame?

I can't go on
And let you lose it all
It's more than I can take
Who'll ease your pain?
Ease your pain

[Chorus:]
Who is gonna save you when I'm gone?
Who'll watch over you?
Who will give you strength when you're not strong.
Who'll watch over you when I've gone away?

Snow is on the ground
Winters come
You long to hear my voice
But I'm long gone

Can you don't leave me hanging?

Chris brown

"Say Goodbye"

Look we gotta talk
Dang I know
I know it's just
It's just...
Some things I gotta get of my chest alright....
Yeahhhh...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, whoa...
Listen..

Baby come here and sit down, let's talk
I got a lot to say so I guess I'll start by
Saying that I love you,
But you know, this thing ain't been
No walk in the park for us
I swear it'll only take a minute
You'll understand when I finish, yeah
And I don't wanna see you cry
But I don't wanna be the one to tell you a lie so

[Hook]
How do you let it go? When you,
You just don't know? What's on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Everything I tried to remember to say
Just went out my head
So I'ma do the best I can to get you to understand
'cause I know

[Chorus]
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you, it's me
I kinda gotta figure out what I need (oh)
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

Girl I know your heart is breaking
And a thousand times I
Found myself asking, "Why? Why?"
Why am I taking so long to say this?
But trust me, girl I never
Meant to crush your world
And I never
Thought I would see the day we grew apart
And I wanna know

[Hook]
How do you let it go? When you,
You just don't know? What's on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Girl I hope you understand
What I'm tryna say.
We just can't go on
Pretending that we get along
Girl how you not gonna see it?

[Chorus]
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you it's me.
I kinda gotta figure out what I need (oh)
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

Listen to your heart
Girl you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can't do it
I, I just can't do it
Listen to your heart
Girl you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can't do it
And sometimes it makes me wanna cry
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh [4x]
Do you hear me crying?
Oh, oh, oh [4x]

[Chorus]
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you it's me.
I kinda gotta figure out what I need (oh)
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

[Chorus]
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you it's me.
I kinda gotta figure out what I need (oh)
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

The fault in our stars - John green

"And in freedom, most people find sins."

lingers

Your smile.
your grin.
your smell.
your touch.
your kiss.
your hug.
your loud snore.
your eyes.
your crooked teeth.
Your jokes.
your unique laugh.
your hair.
your arm.
your chest.
your leg.
your butt.
your high pitch voice.
your everything.
:'(

imagine how hurt it is.

I want you to visualise.

you were sleeping with someone you love. Dear to you.
side by side. Holding hands.
when you shift to your side, someone you love hug you from behind. Kiss your head.
you feel protected. You feel like you're the little girl to the someone you love.

It leads to some thing. You would do to the someone you love.
You kissed someone you love and whisper "i love you".
someone you love whisper it back.

everything ends. You lay down beside someone you love.
Listen to the breathing. It was music to your ears. You were about to sleep.

Someone you loved said he was not ready for a relationship.
That you deserve better. It was his mistake to begin all this.

You started to cry. He cried with you.

At the end, he left you.

It hurts.

perhaps

Perhaps I don't give much to show.
perhaps I don't say much to know.
perhaps I don't show much for affections.

I know one day you will leave me.

It's not I want to do this.
taking a step for me is painful.
It's the only truth.

evanescence

"My Heart Is Broken"

I will wander 'til the end of time, torn away from you.

I pulled away to face the pain.
I close my eyes and drift away.
Over the fear that I will never find
A way to heal my soul.
And I will wander 'til the end of time
Torn away from you.

My heart is broken
Sweet sleep, my dark angel
Deliver us from sorrow's hold
(Over my heart).

I can't go on living this way
But I can't go back the way I came
Chained to this fear that I will never find
A way to heal my soul
And I will wander 'til the end of time
Half alive without you

My heart is broken
Sweet sleep, my dark angel
Deliver us

Change - open your eyes to the light
I denied it all so long, oh so long
Say goodbye, goodbye

My heart is broken
Release me, I can't hold on
Deliver us
My heart is broken
Sweet sleep, my dark angel
Deliver us
My heart is broken
Sweet sleep, my dark angel
Deliver us from sorrow's hold

You and that smile. :/

My  thoughts are unrefined mess of sentiment.

I am angry for no reason.
I do not like this feeling at all.
It is depressing.
really.

insurgent

I think we cry to release the animal parts of us without losing humanity.

Soulmate"

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

The last lecture

"Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have infinite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won't make us happier."

conditions.

pardon me do my terrible English.

I was diagnosed with bells palsy. do Google it up if you want to know the details.
I was in denial. so angry. so sad.

I woke one day just to realise something was wrong. why can't I drink properly. smile properly. frown properly. I cried. I felt helpless. that's when my self esteem and confidence went down terribly.

I consult a doctor. gave me medications only for 2 weeks supply.
After 2 weeks my condition still remain the same.

2 weeks of fountain. away from guest. away from socialising. I just can't.  I cried and cried.
so angry. went to see specialist, well it takes time to recover.

well I have no choice but to force myself back up. I have no choice to have that confidence but my self esteem, well I can't bring it up. I just can't. 
every time I smile or laugh I will just cover my mouth because I don't like it. I don't like it when I can't smile properly.

I fear that I can't smile ever again. properly that is.

I have to face this challenge and I must be brave. 
Allah s.w.t gave me this challenge and the challenge is accepted.

have a little faith - mitch albom

-God and the decision he renders is correct.
God doesn't punish anyone out of the blue.
God knows what he is doing.-

broken

One thing for sure and I am positive with it, is that I can't live without my family
How broken it was, I can't live without them
I am not saying that every family have to be perfect.
How dysfunctional is the family, I just can't live without them

How I grew up without a father. Then I grew up with a step father. Then no father once again
Seeing it all falling apart once again. I grew up in a failing family, it is not that I going to dwell about it.
However with this, I know that this will be my strength.

Strength to pick up each pieces. Not trying to paste everything back, I can't.
I will just love every each moment, everything. Every moment, sad angry or what ever we are feeling
We will just grow stronger small steps

I can't deny that I really wanted a good family, a well to do family but this family will do.
How broken it is, it is still my family. I just can't live without them
How sometimes I wake up tasting failure and disgust, wondering if everything will be okay
It will be okay. Not now. Maybe future.

How broken i was, I am deeply cut. Scarred with anger. I grow up with anger til now.
I am broken

But it does not mean, you have the right to look down on my family. You don't
You are not perfect. We are not perfect. Just live with it like I do now.

People will never be satisfy with time if they do not appreciate time.

Adam Lambert - underneath

Strip away the flesh and bone
Look beyond the lies you've known
Everybody wants to talk about a freak
No one wants to dig that deep
Let me take you underneath
Baby better watch your step
Never mind what's on the left
You're gonna see things you might not wanna see
It's still not that easy for me
Underneath
A red river of screams
Underneath
Tears in my eyes
Underneath
Stars in my black and blue sky
And underneath
Under my skin
Underneath
The depths of my sin
Look at me
Now do you see?
Welcome to my world of truth
I don't wanna hide any part of me from you
I'm standing here with no apologies
Such a beautiful release
You inside of me
A red river of screams
Underneath
Tears in my eyes
Underneath
Stars in my black and blue sky
And underneath
Under my skin
Underneath
the depths of my sin
Look at me
Now do you see?
Underneath
Underneath
Underneath
Underneath
Underneath, yeah
Welcome to my world of truth
A red river of screams
Underneath
Tears in my eyes
Underneath
Stars in my black and blue sky
And underneath
Under my skin
Underneath
the depths of my sin
Look at me
Now do you see?
Underneath
Underneath
Underneath
Look at me, do you see?
yeah, yeah, yeah
Look at me, do see me?
Welcome to my world of truth
I don't wanna hide any part of me from you

sick

Is it my duty to chase after when it is your duty to commit and give willingly.
I am sick and tired of chasing.

"Man alone measures time.
Man alone chimes the hour.
And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralysing fear that no other creature endures.
A fear of time running out."

so.

No procrastination.
Reminder to myself
No negativity
No laziness

Yes I can do this.

Scratch head with me, PEOPLE!!!!!!

Till it bleed!!

WHERE RAINBOWS END

FatherMichael has entered the room.

Wildflower: Ah, don't tell me you're through a divorce yourself, Father?

SureOne: Don't be silly, Wildflower; have a bit of respect! He's here for the ceremony.

Wildflower: I know that. I was just trying to lighten the atmosphere.

FatherMichael: So have the loving couple arrived yet?

SureOne: No, but it's customary for the bride be late.

FatherMichael: Well, is the groom here?

SingleSam has entered the room.

Wildflower: Here he is now. Hello there, SingleSam. I think this is the first time ever both the bride and groom will have to change the names.

SingleSam: Hello, all.

Buttercup: Where's the bride?

SingleSam: She's right here on the laptop beside me. She's just having problems with her password logging in.

SureOne: Doomed from the start.

Divorced_1 has entered the room.

Wildflower: Wahoo! Here comes the bride, all dressed in ...?

SingleSam: Black.

Wildflower: How charming.

Buttercup: She's right to wear black.

Divorced_1: What's wrong with misery guts today?

LonelyLady: She found a letter from Alex that was written twelve years ago, proclaiming his love for her, and she doesn't know what to do.

Divorced_1: Here's a word of advice. Get over it, he's married. Now let's focus the attention on me for a change.

SoOverHim has entered the room.

FatherMichael: OK, let's begin. We are gathered here online today to witness the marriage of SingleSam (soon to be 'Sam') and Divorced_1 (soon to be 'Married_1')

you.

I hope you I hope you will make me happy Because I Because I will try to be happy as long you try to be there Because I won't Because I won't hesitate to leave. I won't get hurt again.

Love. Lost.

The love of my life.

Fly away.

With just one blow.

I lost the love.

Empty

When you know you are actually longing for someone to hold, there's no one there.

When you know you are actually missing someone, there's no one missing you back.

When you know you love that someone so much, that someone don't even love you back.

When you know your heart feels empty without that someone, you can't do anything about it.

Helpless as I can be.

Emotional as I tried not to.

Anger just buried inside.

I am breaking apart.

I can't rely on myself.

I'm trying to get back on my feet.

I'm trying to feel again.

I'm trying to love me again.

I love you but wait, what's good is love anyway.?

Loving you still.

I love you and you must know that. I miss you and you must know that. Only god knows how I feel. I told you before no words can describe the love I felt for you. I can't believe you left me cold like this. I'm still in denial. I can't accept this yet. I'm still in love with you.

Not okay.

If you know me too well. You shall know I'm not okay. So don't repeat question about me being okay because at the end of the fucking day I shall only reply I Will be okay.

I unable to find myself. I lost it. Seriously lost it. I drown myself in sorrow every single night. Just to think of you.

I just feel like cutting my heart out to show you how I feel for you but its fucking wrong to do it.

People said just let it go, you Will find someone. God have plans for us. However I can't let it go. Well, at the end of the day I must learn to let it go. Only left with a distant memories.

Personally, I think most guys are the same. Fucking Shit is contain in their head. Forgive me if you guys disagree but already stated MOST. I shall never look in relationship the same ever again. Sickening you can say.

I must be stupid to wait.

I have been thinking a lot nowadays. not myself. Mixture of feeling. Angry.. Sadness.. Mostly angry. Can't make myself detach of longing for someone. God help your poor soul. I can rely on myself.

Must

must be strong. Must detach myself from negativity. Must not stay stagnant like this forever. You can do this Faizah.

Don't

Don't make me fall in the endless pit of fucking Shit. I'm already at my downside. Today is one of those days.

Fucked up head man

I'm treated like Shit over and over again. I really wonder what did the Fuck I do til I have this mother fucking treatment.
I mean like, if there's a fucking mistakes I did better tell me right on my beautiful Damn face so that I Will learn and grow at the fucking same time.

Tell me you fucking bitch, I didn't take a fucking mc, you bitch about me. I took mc also you fucking bitch about me. What the Fuck you want from me you mother Fucker. Fuck your low life immature brains you fucking bitch.

I kept quiet all this while not for you to step on my fucking head you mother Fucker. Oh my. I thank god for letting me hold this anger of mine. I swear I can just blow up right on your mother fucking face. You Fucker dick head.

You both bitch deserve to die! I'm mother fucking Pissed.
How the Fuck am I suppose to grow if my Damn superiors are not showing a good fucking example and guide your people properly.

Arrgh! Fuck it man!

Back stabbing.

You can take that knife plunge into my back over and over again til it pierce through my chest, I'm used to it. Do it la.

Me.

I bought a make up thingy for myself. So not myself, I know. Haha. Bought liquid eye liner, mascara, brushes and eye shadows. Haha. Okay. I'm excited but at the same time I felt like Fucked up because I don't knkw how to use it. Time to learn. Hahaha.

Okay alright.. I know it has been a long time since I blog. Forgive me for my mistakes in my grammar. It sucks. Haha.

Love

Love me without fear. Trust me without wondering. Love me without restrictions. Want me without demand. Accept me for who I am.

Healing,

Healing the heart is a gradual process of unfoldment, one layer at a time. Each time we think we are through our healing, we really just healed one layer.

Change.

Don't change because they ask you to. They should accept the you are. They should adapt the way you are.

your heart

It is impossible for your heart to open fully to another when it is completely closed to someone in your past.

Fucking Shit

Even our 24th together you can't spend time with me.

Hmmm.

Aku akui aku merinduimu.

Teramat sekali.

"Love You Like A Love Song"

[Verse 1]
It's been said and done
Every beautiful thought's been already sung
And I guess right now here's another one
So your melody will play on and on, with the best of them
You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible
A centerfold miracle, lyrical
You've saved my life again
And I want you to know baby

[Chorus]
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hittin re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hittin re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

[Verse 2]
Constantly, boy you played through my mind like a symphony
There's no way to describe what you do to me
You just do to me, what you do
And it feels like I've been rescued
I've been set free
I am hypnotized by your destiny
You are magical, lyrical, beautiful
You are... And I want you to know baby

[Chorus]
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hittin re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hittin re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

[Bridge]
No one compares
You stand alone, to every record I own
Music to my heart that's what you are
A song that goes on and on

[Chorus]
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hittin re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

I love you...like a love song...

"Rain On Me"

It's a sunny day
So I got nowhere to hide
Not a cloud in the sky
So I'm pretending I've got something in my eyes
Just so you won't see me cry

So I wait for the storm, (oooh)
To hide all my tears
But it's taking too long
But I won't run for the door, (oooh)
'Coz if you think I'm weak then that makes you strong

So rain on me,
What's the price of thunder?
Rain on me
It's like I'm waiting in a hundred degrees
So rain on me
I'll be standing under
So rain on me
Disguise my tears so that you'll never see
Let it rain (let it rain, let it rain on me, let it rain, let it rain on me)
Let it rain (my tears are the rainfall and flow right to the sea)
Let it rain (let it rain, let it rain on me, let it rain, let it rain on me)
Let it rain (my tears are the rainfall and flow right to the sea)

I won't give you the pleasure
To see me breaking
And that's how you'll remember me
You're not worth it
I'll get better, only down for a second
I won't give you the victory

So I wait for the storm, (oooh)
To hide all my tears
But it's taking too long
But I won't run for the door, (oooh)
'Coz if you think I'm weak then that makes you strong

So rain on me,
What's the price of thunder?
Rain on me
It's like I'm waiting in a hundred degrees
So rain on me
I'll be standing under
So rain on me
Disguise my tears so that you'll never see
Let it rain (let it rain, let it rain on me, let it rain, let it rain on me)
Let it rain (my tears are the rainfall and flow right to the sea)
Let it rain (let it rain, let it rain on me, let it rain, let it rain on me)
Let it rain (my tears are the rainfall and flow right to the sea)

It's a sunny day,
So I got nowhere to hide
Not a cloud in the sky
So I'm pretending I've got something in my eyes
Just so you won't see me cry

So rain on me,
What's the price of thunder?
Rain on me
It's like I'm waiting in a hundred degrees
So rain on me
I'll be standing under
So rain on me
Disguise my tears so that you'll never see
Let it rain (let it rain, let it rain on me, let it rain, let it rain on me)
Let it rain (my tears are the rainfall and flow right to the sea)
Let it rain (let it rain, let it rain on me, let it rain, let it rain on me)
Let it rain (my tears are the rainfall and flow right to the sea)

Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain, let it rain, oh
Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain, let it rain
Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain, let it rain

You

Have my heart.

What the hell

I don't know what goes through my mind.

I'm so confused.

Wire mix and tangle. Ugh just what i need.

You know

always love you bee.

You know

always love you bee.

I think I..

pms-ing.

Really

I give up.

How much I try my best to be patience.

People just don't see it.

What the hell.

What good is love?

It comes and take its toll on us.

Feels like...

I tried my best.

I still feel like a failure.

I feel like breaking down.

Poke poke poke

The poking in my head. Hurt.

Crushed

Feeling crushed like those ice blends.

Okay crap. I dont feel like moving.

I feel like just stay at one place and wonder alone.

People will think im crazy but they dont understand.

Love is a very impressive and difficult achievement for me and its not only on one particular area. Its about all. Family personal friends alll those shiit. All those shiit.

..

Usually i dont give up on others.

However others give up on me.

Sickening.

..

It is always my fault huh?

How

How to put this. Hmmm. I do things always for a reason. Pulling away from all of this.

Want you to realise you have someone by your side.

Someone cherish you.

Talk about it angers you but i dont care.

Want you to know.

Grr

What have i done?

Look

I look forward for your message.

I look forward for your call.

Im like one idiot waiting but it will never happen.

Crushed

Feeling crushed like those ice blends.

Okay crap. I dont feel like moving.

I feel like just stay at one place and wonder alone.

People will think im crazy but they dont understand.

Love is a very impressive and difficult achievement for me and its not only on one particular area. Its about all. Family personal friends alll those shiit. All those shiit.

Here i am alone once more nobody to whine to.

Fuck

Fuck the love.

I am

A sinner.

Horny day

Stop turning me on.

Family

Tell me what is family?

Tell me.

Why

Wont you make me feel like im your only girl in the world?

Tears

Tears running down these cheeks.

Effort

You're not even close to the word effort.

Happy times

I know it will never be the same.

I know it will never be alright.

Everybody pretending.

Everybody ignoring.

Everybody kept quiet.

Everybody keep to themselves.

I always envy those who have pridviledges to feel that way.


To feel happy.

PMS - ING.

realised

I just realise something
And i don't even like it,
my early months of the blog have my bad memories.
it just trigger those feelings.
Ugh, hatred. Fucking fucked face fucker.

I usually don't give damn shit on people opinion.
However this time, it really bugged me.
I feel like killing!!

lost.

i seriously lost you.
i don't know who you are anymore.
where are you?
you re not there anymore.
where are you?

Hello??

Hello earth people.
It has been ages since i've updated. I'm super packed with stuff.

I've seen alot nowadays. LIKE ALOT, seriously.
I'm happy to see others happy with their family and stuff.

Tidak baik faizah mengira. Tunggu lahh waktu datang.

I'm upset at the fact that some people don't change at all.
Some fuckers remain the same! Ughh. they digust me.

Izahh ni asyik-asyik masuk, complaint complain complaint.
What to do.?? HAISS!!